Oh, hi friends!
Quick story.
I was pinging through my designated "inbox hour" yesterday when I saw that a theater company put out a submissions call for a playwriting fellowship.
Click.
So I read about the deadline and what's required to submit and start to think, "Oh, sure, I can apply for that."
Simultaneously, there's a little voice, a tiny-as-a-mouse voice, that squeaks, "But what about the two projects you promised that you'd focus on right now…neither of which fall into this category…"
CLICK.
I navigate over to see who received the fellowship last year and immediately think, "Oh they all have a lot more experience (MFAs! developments! achievements!) and I shouldn't bother applying anyway…mmm, I probably shouldn't bother writing, period!"
Tiny mouse voice says, "But your two projects…you really like them…you're making progress…"
CLICK. CLICK. CLICK.
I move toward more little dark corners of the internet — artist websites, other people’s play excerpts — looking for more ways to feel bad about myself, other ammunition that I don't measure up.
At this point, tiny mouse voice is so annoyed, it becomes a squeal. A scream?
"HEY DING-A-LING. YOU LOVE THE WORK YOU ARE DOING. YOU DIDN'T KNOW THIS OPPORTUNITY EXISTED THREE MINUTES AGO. WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY SELLING YOURSELF A STORY ABOUT WHAT YOU DON'T DESERVE? YOU HAVE SO MANY MORE IMPORTANT STORIES TO TELL."
Oh.
Click.
I leave the page and come here to say something to you instead. I remember my own lane, my own passions, my own trajectory. I remember the temptation of validation is always more exciting than solid incremental progress. I remember comparison against highlight reels is a dangerous game. I remember we each have power over our own narratives. I remember — and I keep writing.
"I remember the temptation of validation is always more exciting than solid incremental progress." Beautifully said, Kara. Thank you for writing this story.
Ah, the tension between being aware and informed/not missing opportunities and going down the rabbit hole of distraction is one of my issues. Kudos for staying on your own path! Speaking of mouses, did you see this story: https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2024/01/08/mouse-cleaning-shed-wales/ ??