Asking for what you want
Oh, hi friends!
How good are you at asking for what you want?
I’m, uh, not great at it.
Or, wait, let’s reframe: It’s something I could improve.
Ha. There. That’s better.
I will happily eat the wrong entree given to me at a restaurant or defer to others to make plans. I once waited at Shake Shack for 45 minutes before finally asking where my mushroom burger was (they had lost my order). I will meet anyone who asks me to chat over coffee but rarely (as in, never) will ask other people to do the same. (I love meeting people over coffee, by the way—but I need to also seek people out myself.)
So am I a pushover? Am I lazy?
I hope not! I think it’s more that I want to avoid inconveniencing people, and shy away from creating any sense of obligation.
But after an eye-opening chat with my friend Lindsay the other day, I’ve tried asking for what I want. For meetings. “Favors.” Advice. Etc.
And guess what? It’s life-changing. It still makes me uncomfortable. And nervous. But people actually want to help. Who knew?
And if I can ask, you can, too.
“Maybe treating rejection as a pure numbers game can inoculate you against the agony of many tiny defeats.”
Last week I mentioned the writer who set a goal of 100 rejections—and now she can’t keep up with all her acceptances. Love this: Set a 'rejection goal' and it might just lead to success. Might be time to reread my own essay from last year: What I learned from 165 creative failures.
Malcolm Gladwell Explains Where His Ideas Come From
“Rejecting character as a hook, he instead goes looking for intriguing theories, operating on the conception of most writers as ‘experience-rich and theory-poor.’” (From Open Culture.) He also says he interviews people for no longer than an hour and a half…! Really intriguing conversation with New Yorker editor David Remnick.
Do you like these daily emails? Please share with a friend!
Thanks, as always, for reading.
Love, Kara