What a grip
Oh, hi friends!
How tightly do you hold the bad news?
How tightly do you hold the good news?
How tightly do you hold the absence of news?
What if instead we loosened our grip?
What if instead we allowed the bad, the good, the blank space?
Less grasping, more accepting.
It’s one thought, at least.
“If we’re anxious or nervous when we make the catch or throw, what will become of the game, and how can one maintain one’s composure; how can one see what is coming next?”
Quote attributed to Epictetus, from Ryan Holiday’s book Stillness Is the Key. This is from the chapter on emptying the mind. He advocates for stillness and achieving a kind of internal blankness when we’re in the typically tense mode of creating, acting, making.
Because isn’t the aim to make that catch or throw that ball as well as we possibly can?
Bringing back the Q&A because I *had* to talk to my friend Aegean — that’s Dr. Aegean Chan, board-certified dermatologist and everyone's favorite skincare expert on Instagram, where she shares unbiased, evidence-based advice for her 28K followers, including me, a skincare neophyte. (We met in undergrad, CEC4L!) Aegean has so much relatable advice for Doing It All (and consciously choosing when to Not Do It All), starting your own business, and breaking down even the biggest endeavors into a “collection of tasks.”
BRASS RING DAILY: The last few years brought major changes your way — you welcomed little Sofia into the world, moved across the country with your husband Mark, opened a dermatology practice together in Santa Barbara, and even managed to share the most fun and informative Instagrams about practical skincare (and remind us all to wear the damn sunscreen).
How do you manage so many competing priorities and still show up for your patients, followers, and family?
AEGEAN: To be honest, I’m still trying to figure it out. I thought I had a good system, but having a baby over a year ago really changed the game and contracted my productive time. I’ve had to really learn how to become a productivity ninja.
I’ve had to learn how to prioritize urgent and non-urgent tasks in order to not be overwhelmed by my ever-growing to do list. Nora Roberts has said that the key to managing competing priorities is to know that some of the balls you have in the air are glass and some are plastic. I just focus on not dropping the glass balls and am okay with letting some plastic balls drop.
I’ve also started saying no to things that I don’t really want to do, which is hard as an obliger, but ultimately, has been so freeing.
On a practical level, using my Apple Watch to keep track of reminders has been incredibly helpful. I can record tasks without having to stop to pick up my phone and it reminds me to do things at set times (so I don’t have to remember to remember!).
I also am an advocate of just doing the small tasks as they come, like paying a bill as soon as I open the envelope or replying quickly back to emails. Only touching something once really helps free up brain space (but it takes discipline).
Lastly, just accepting that I will NEVER get everything done frees me from that underlying anxiety of too much to do and I have more brain space to actually focus on what I need to at the moment, whether that’s playing with my daughter, listening to my patients, or planning a birthday party for my husband.
What were some of the hurdles you had to jump over to open your own practice? How'd you do it?
Self-doubt and fear of failure were the biggest hurdles for me to overcome. It’s such a huge mental block. When I focused on the finish line and everything we needed to do to get to that point, I would just mentally shut down and let my inner Negative Nancy take over the narrative. The big picture can be so overwhelming.
I remember you once said to just start climbing the ladder and the next rungs will appear and it stuck with me. Don’t focus on the destination, just do the next thing on your list. Once we took the first step, everything else kind of fell into place.
Day to day entailed a lot of to do lists, Googling what I didn’t know (I.e. ‘where to get business license?’), and getting advice from friends and colleagues. Even the biggest undertaking is ultimately just a collection of tasks.
It’s kind of incredible to find ourselves in our fully outfitted office, seeing patients, and working with an awesome staff. Being able to be our own boss is worth the work we’ve put into the practice.
When it comes to life and work, what is your “brass ring”? What are you always reaching for?
It’s a little counterintuitive, but right now, I’m reaching for a sense of balance and contentment so I can be present in the life that I have.
Most of my life has been reaching for a “brass ring” — get into medical school, apply for residency, find that perfect job. I’ve been programmed to be extremely goal-oriented. When I look back, I realize now that my preoccupation with achievement made me miss out on the joy of everyday life.
I am working on getting to a place where I have enough time to both do what I love (without getting burnt out) and have the time to be fully present for the people around me. It’s definitely easier said than done!
What has the last year taught you, and what are you working on next?
The last year has given me the time to get off the hamster wheel and figure out what actually brings me joy. I have so much more clarity about that I want to spend my time doing and am okay with missing out or saying no.
I also have been really trying to be more kind to myself. My subconscious is a mean girl, so I’ve been trying to be cognizant of that and change my inner narrative so it’s less critical. One technique that’s been helpful for me is consciously celebrating wins, big or small. It’s amazing what a little self-acknowledgement and praise for doing the laundry or getting dressed can do to boost your mood.
I’m still spending the bulk of my time working on the practice as it gets up and running, but I have a few really exciting side projects that are still in the development phase. Keep an eye on my social for more on that in the coming months!
Where can people find you online — and in person?
For practical skin care tips, you can find me on Instagram @draegeanchan or my website aegeanmd.com.
For an in-person dermatology consultation at my office in Santa Barbara, you can call (805) 892-8111 or check out our website at www.cadermgroup.com.
Thank you Aeg!! Miss you!
Do you like these daily emails? Please share with a friend!
You can also support my work by checking out my motivational journal, Do It For Yourself, designed to guide you through your creative and work projects, and my upcoming journal Do It Today, which encourages you to find time for the things that matter most to you.
Thanks, as always, for reading.
Love, Kara