A way to calm the 'now' anxiety
Oh, hi friends!
Do you usually feel end-of-year anxiety? The desire to “knock out” tasks and “get things done” so you don’t have to think about them as you enter a new year?
I usually feel it, hard hard hard, but this year I’m doing something different. I’m simply gathering all the things in a neat and tidy bundle and saying however far I can carry this sack of leftover 2021 trash and tidbits is a bonus. Book a dental cleaning and pay an annoying bill? Great. Still not gonna clean that corner of my bedroom? Fine! Everything that's left over can hang out in the bundle and I'll get to it when I get to it.
Or you might have an intense desire to “finish” something — that project, that draft, that book or TV show. And to finish, you need to hurry, right? You need to race and get your heart pumping. But why?
I am admitting, now, that I’m not going to “finish” the final draft of that play, or that book proposal, or even see the end of my inbox in the next 12 days. And that is not a failure for the year. What I will do, rather than scrambling to finish, is give my attention to whatever feels important today. Maybe that attention lasts 13 minutes, or three straight hours. I have no idea and can’t predict how much attention I can give tomorrow. But whatever and whenever the attention is paid, it’s a bonus. It's a win.
Along with that end-of-year anxiety comes the big ol’ lookback at the year. Recaps! What you did or didn’t accomplish. How your plans differed from reality. I did that, today, for about 90 seconds, and thought, “lol nah.” I can’t go back and wish I made different choices. Wish that I had more focus or drive or generosity or understanding. Even Goodreads is telling me I didn't hit my reading goal for this year, but...does that matter? I still turned many pages. So did you.
It is done! It is done. Look back if you want, but be kind to the person you were in February or June or September. You were doing your best.
Just like right now. You are doing your best today, too.
An old interview with Stephen Sondheim talking about Jonathan Larson and Rent:
“The last time I’d spoken to him was in December. He felt pleased about the way he was growing up.
He felt that way any author does in the middle of rehearsal. It’s terrible, it’s wonderful. I’m ashamed of it, isn’t it great?”
It’s terrible, it’s wonderful. I’m ashamed of it, isn’t it great?
That’s how the middle of a project usually feels. You have to keep going until you find the end.
From yet another wonderful article on Steve. (h/t Aliza Rabin)
Always enjoy some Nathaniel Rateliff, who sings like he’s letting out some demons. Here’s “The Future.”
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Thanks, as always, for reading.
Love, Kara