How to finish, according to Cheryl Strayed
Oh, hi friends!
I attended an hourlong Zoom talk by Cheryl Strayed this week (thanks to Selina) and it changed my life.
Maybe that’s hyperbolic. But she said a few things I really needed to hear, especially at this tail end of the year. (And after I tweeted her advice, there was a lot of online nodding by other people, too.)
She talked about working for years on her first book, Torch, while working as a waitress. People would ask her how it was going. She’d say, “Still working on it!” Then she got into grad school and had magnificent news — she could write full-time! Surely now she would finish it, right?
Well, I’ll let her take it from here:
“The dreams I had for myself came true. Wasn't teaching, wasn't working, but was allegedly finishing this thing I had spent so much time telling people that I wanted to do. I found myself resisting and really avoiding the writing. I became addicted to cable television. It seems so banal that the huge crucible moment of my life was sitting in a house all day not writing. But in this time of my writing life, I realized I couldn't be the writer who I dreamed of being. I realized I cannot be Alice Munro or Raymond Carver, and that crushed me. I was so ambitious that I was being crushed by my own ambition. My crucible moment was waking up to the truth and knowing that not being able to be that kind of great was not as bad as not being the kind of good I knew I could be.”
Hi, it’s Kara again. Take a breath. More:
“Your ambition is not to write the Great American Novel. Your ambition is to finish the damn book. This is a lesson I've had to learn over and over again. It's true of so many things in our lives. Because we're afraid of failing, sometimes we turn away from it and don't do it at all. As much as it would have hurt to write a book that everyone hated, the only thing that would have been a failure was me going years and years and years and always continuing to say, Yes, I'm working on my first book.
I had to surrender to my own mediocrity. I'm going to write as well as I can. The measuring stick is not, Do other people love it? Did it win the National Book Award? But rather, Did I do the work? And, Did I do it as well as I could? Answering yes to those two things is my guiding light. That's what I go back to all the time. We are in charge of the work we do and whether or not we give it our all.”
So! I’m going to go surrender to my own mediocrity. A week ago I’d say that sounds horrible or pessimistic or like settling, but now I see it doesn't have to be. It’s the only way to calm the ambition monster. It is a gift to yourself, to finish.
The most energizing part of writing this newsletter is meeting new people over the years. One of my favorite newsletter friends is Susan Hamilton, who is always quick to write an encouraging, day-boosting note after watching one of my musicals or reading something I wrote, urging me to "be ready and steady" for whatever endeavor might come next. She often adds a "P.S. How is your sleep?" to her emails because she is a true sleep guru and nutritionist, counseling hundreds of clients on sleep and G.I. issues over two decades.
My own sleep always needs improving, and since Susan recently launched a sleep guide years in the making, I asked if she would share some advice as we enter the (hopefully relaxing weekend).
Here's Casey, Susan's rescue Brittany-Springer Spaniel resting after a run in the park.
You invested a lot of time and energy into distilling your advice and creating your sleep guide. How did you manage to keep writing, revising, and pushing forward with this project, especially during this last year, when high-quality sleep seems to be more elusive than ever?
The "3am Sleep Guide" was a three-year writing project, filled with fits and starts, research and interviews, client comments, medical MD-POV's, and lotsa edits. (Note-to-self: Opinions can help, or harm; don't swallow the poison.)
I quit writing 27 (OK, 19) times. I kept ruminating about my lingering projects, friend's projects and stories — how good projects thrive, or dive. But every day, a birdie kept chirping, "Wake up. Don't give up. Every corn kernel won't pop. Every egg won't hatch. All birds don't fly, or even want to. Just TRY to write 1-2 pages every day."
Your advice is rooted in your background as a nutritionist, and I'll admit I usually don't think about how what I eat affects my sleep. For example, you're a big advocate of soup, and it's soup season!! How does soup help with sleep? (Also, you've now convinced me to eat soup for lunch.)
I have 21 years of notes from my nutrition clients and almost everyone has had sleep issues. The guide includes their voices and worries, favorite food and sleep tips, and a few suggestions of favorite soups. I encourage clients to shop and schlep, slice and dice, and make a pot of soup. Why? It's not what we eat, but what we absorb that keeps us healthy. Soup is the most easily absorbed food! Included in the guide is the old Polish proverb: What we eat today, walks and talks tomorrow.
From Kara: The requisite Friday photo of our new rescue cat Lula, who is into this whole "sleeping" thing.
One of my biggest, um, challenges, is the phone scroll before bed. I'm not even reading anything exciting. How can I curb this habit, and what are a few elements of a good sleep routine?
A few sleep tips:
Be careful how far you open the door to your brain during the day. If you see it, hear it, think it, or taste it, your brain has to deal with it during sleep by filing it, or editing it!
Tired, but wired? Know your "caffeine window." Caffeine has a 12-hour full-life and a six-hour half-life! Decaf retains 20 percent of original caffeine.
"Short sleeping" is sleeping less than seven hours a night. It can affect immunity, illness, recovery, safe driving, depression, and more.
Weight control: Over-eating, under-eating, junk-funk, sugar-surges, are WAY more frequent when you haven't slept well.
Know your "3am burn." Is your 6-7-8pm dinner-fuel spent? How does what you eat, when you eat, affect your sleep?
Are you awake at 2-3-4am? Can't get back to sleep? Let's talk!
Put your phone to bed. Give it a bedtime. Tuck it in a drawer with a soft blankie. Nite-nite blue light, sleep tight. [Kara note: I'm obsessed with this cute idea!]
Where can people find you and your work online?
I'm on LinkedIn and Brass Ring readers can email me susan [at] 3amsleep.com or visit my site to check out or purchase my "3am Sleep Guide"!
Sweet dreams!! Eat well, sleep well!
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You can also support my work by checking out my motivational journal, Do It For Yourself, designed to guide you through your creative and work projects.
Thanks, as always, for reading.
Love, Kara