The sandtrap between advice and support
Oh, hi friends!
How can you be a good friend today?
Aim for good and you might overshoot it.
“Sometimes you think you’re asking for advice and what you’re really asking for is support.”
Boy oh boy, is this an important topic and a fine line! It comes from Kate McKean’s excellent newsletter Agents & Books, which I’ve suggested to dozens of people over the years.
But when you’re beginning to share your work or even the whisper of an idea with trusted friends, it’s important to answer the question, “Do I want specific advice, or do I want a good job, keep going?"
And if you want advice, you can ask your friend for it: Were you confused at any point? What would you consider the central theme of this chapter? Where can this be funnier? So should I quit my job or not?
Usually I’ve found that if I don’t have specific questions for a trusted friend/reader quite yet, then I’m not ready for critique or advice. What I really want to hear is “Wow, this is so interesting! I’d love to hear more!” And that is OK!
Being clear before you ask can keep you out of the sand trap.
He Spent 12 Years Photographing the Milky Way
JP Metsavainio had a little project. He wanted to capture the galaxy. As Chrissy Hennessey, who sent this along, said, “Such a lovely reminder of how far patience, dedication and passion can take us - sometimes literally into outer space.” (You should also subscribe to her newsletter So Relatable if you haven’t already.) But really, look at that image. That exists. Your own work can, too.
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Thanks, as always, for reading.
Love, Kara