What have you been doing? <insert panic, pained laughter>
Oh, hi friends!
*waves*
It’s been a bit of a challenge — not a problem, we don’t use the word problem lol — to do much of anything lately, for a whole array of reasons, some of which are unique to me and others which you’re probably feeling, too.
And then there’s the pressure to go out — go out in the world! But as we blindly reach in the dark and find our way back to friendships or jobs or simply walking under the sun again, there’s also the nagging need to have a neat little answer to this question:
What have you been doing?
Well, uhm. The answer is complicated.
Because the answer is I’m doing absolutely nothing; working on tiny bits and pieces of things; and also cultivating the rock-hard conviction that wow, I got through the year, so I can do pretty much anything, which is both impressive and boring, because everyone else did it, too.
As we all emerge from our little cocoons, there’s this sense of expectation — both for ourselves, and for everyone around us. Reconnect, restart, recommit to hopes, dreams, goals, people, sanity.
That, too, is complicated. Because every new commitment or connection or doubling down requires emotional energy.
How much of that do you have?
Mine fluctuates every day and when it’s gone, it’s gone. Even when I want to respond to that friend or work on that piece or catch up on Zoom…when it’s gone, it’s gone! Bye!
And I guess the only thing to do here is to respect what you know about yourself. You don’t need the neat little answer to the ‘what have you been doing?’ question. You can word-vomit through it like I do. You can pick up the emails or reconnect later, when you can. I don’t think anyone is going to be mad at you. (And if they are? Oh well.)
In fact, they’ll probably understand more than you know. Because they’re making the same calculations and fumbling through in their own way, finding the words and flipping through the days, just like you.
And that can make you feel a bit better, to sit in the same boat, and know you are not rowing alone.
“It’s exactly what I dreamed of the city being when I was a kid: all these different languages and foods and music….On the bus, everyone is very nice. They always let me sit because of my cane. I have held babies, I have held groceries. Once I even held a little tree.”
Charming story about a woman in Park Slope, Brooklyn searching for a new apartment after 37 years. To find her new place, she did the smartest thing: She told everyone she was looking. Word of mouth works.
Look at This Cutie
There have been random coyote sightings in Central Park recently, so when we saw on Twitter that the coyote was spotted in the Ramble…on the west side…a short walk away…well, we bolted.
And there she was, nestled between a rock ridge, snoozing peacefully in the afternoon. Colin snapped this photo (we were very far away, everyone is respectful of our wildlife neighbors). What a gift.
A Resource I Found Helpful
My heart has been heavy this week and, perhaps like you, I was thinking, “What can I do?” One ray of hope came from this article by my friend Rachel Chang on how to do your part for the Asian American community right now, from how and where to report any incidents of anti-Asian sentiment, workshops on bystander intervention, and where to donate to support the community. You can make a difference.
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You can also support my work by checking out my new motivational journal, Do It For Yourself, designed to guide you through your creative and work projects.
Thanks, as always, for reading.
Love, Kara