How is it possible to suddenly feel behind everyone else
Oh, hi friends!
I saw that a friend is having a play produced in the fall. Huh, I thought. That’s funny. I haven’t heard that voice in awhile…the sweet and gentle voice of envy.
Then I looked around and saw this person got a new job…this one got accepted to grad school…someone else got a book deal.
Wait a second. Suddenly, I thought, is everyone hanging out without me?
What a hilarious question. Because we know all the right answers: Well, no one is literally hanging out, you don’t want what they want, and you’re happy for people who are making big changes.
But there was something different in the air this week, I think in part because of the vaccine news and the realization that things could return to a version of “normal” sooner than we all thought.
It feels like there is a rush to make up for all the time lost. There’s the need to prove to yourself — and to everyone else — that you not only made it through the year, but that you are emerging as a better and more evolved version of yourself who spent March to March getting clarity on what you want and preparing yourself for the “after” period.
Uhh. Fun question:
But what if I’m not ready?
I understand how ludicrous it is to feel “behind” right now. Behind what? Emerging into post-pandemic life? Behind the people who already have plans laid out? What could I possibly be behind?!
Maybe this is simply a return to the 2019 way of thinking. Remember that? Where you’re pushed and propelled by seeing everyone striving, failing, succeeding. Since we were ‘all in this together’ for the past year, we were able to dissolve the hierarchy and admire everyone — and ourselves — just for getting by.
Now, though, news from other people is going to hold up a mirror to your own reality. They did this, but where did my year go? What did I do? How am I?
Maybe you don’t feel ready to emerge, either. Maybe you feel behind. (Or maybe these are my own neuroses that I’m trying to make universal? That pretty much defines every newsletter ever written lol)
But the answer, as always, is to return to the basics: You don’t want what they want. You’re happy for people and their big changes. And, whether you realize it or not, you’ve done an enormous amount of quiet and invisible work in the last year sorting out in your mind what you value, what you need, and what you want moving forward.
Even if you don’t feel ready to emerge, you are.
And when the time comes, you will.
Welcome to the TV Vortex
Aliza reminded me of this very prescient Portlandia clip about Battlestar Galactica, which gave me a good laugh. And isn’t it cute how they pop in a DVD?? (Reminds me of the boxed sets of The X-Files and Gilmore Girls sitting in my childhood bedroom. Hilarious how I paid between $40-80 for each *season* and now have to think twice before paying $10 a month for a new streaming subscription. INSANE.)
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Thanks, as always, for reading.
Love, Kara