Ask Brass Ring Daily: How to find confidence
Oh, hi friends!
Here’s the second installment of Ask Brass Ring Daily, with a question submitted by a newsletter reader. I hope you find it useful.
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Dear Brass Ring Daily,
I am currently preparing to launch my own company in early 2021. I'm in the middle of all the technical work (website, licenses, banking, my there's a lot of stuff to do), but I'm inching ever closer to contacting prospects.
Life is much different for me now compared to early in my career. Mortgage, kids, single-income household. There's a lot of weight! Failing would be hard on the other five people in my house!
However, I realized that what I want in my career another company can never give it to me. The type of company I want to work for, the boss I wish I had, the clients I wish I worked with. I realized to get this I need to do it myself, instead of relying on someone else to magically provide it.
But wow, is it scary! I have so many questions. How do I know how much to charge? What if I don't know as much as I think I do? What if my clients don't like my work? What if I'm a total fraud and no one will hire me?!
Anyway, I know these aren't specific questions. I'm sure you've been through similar moments in your career.
How do you look at something that feels so overwhelming, but have the confidence to know, "I'll figure it out"?
— D
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Oh, hi D!
I wish I could run down to the Macy’s stockroom or warehouse or wherever they keep their giant inflatable cartoon balloons because I want to throw a parade in your honor. You are doing really hard work — during a really hard year — and I just want to recognize that.
It sounds like things are churning away on the technical side (great great great) and your main challenge right now is…What if no one likes me?
Of course, there’s a lot more nuance than that, but usually questions about rates are wound up in a narrative we tell ourselves, which is: I’m too scared to say the number I’m actually thinking. Because we often *do* have a number, don’t we? It’s when we compare it to other people (“well, this person is better or cheaper or faster…”) or dare to speak it out loud (“who am I to ask for THAT MUCH an hour?!”) that the number chokes in our throat.
There is the normal advice to survey the market, figure out how much you were making / how much you need to make, what you offer that competitors don’t, etc. but I have a feeling you know that already. What you need to do is this: Find a number that isn’t geared toward getting people to like you, but getting you to like yourself for setting it.
Money is money is money. But a rate that makes you feel valuable, makes your output feel sustainable, and straightens your spine a bit will give you three things: You’ll gain confidence. You’ll find better clients. You’ll beat back those “total fraud” feelings.
Speaking as someone who once chased lowest common denominator outlets (with rates to match), I have to say…selling yourself short never works. You end up doing more (or bad) work for less pay, and now, at the beginning of your company, you need confidence and good clients. This is the beginning. You are building this for yourself. So build. Aim high.
When you don’t know something, you will figure it out or find someone who will help you figure it out. Look at this week — think of everything you had to learn, sort, and analyze just to get to a single Friday. We are constantly answering questions and finding solutions, even when life seems glacial. You will figure it out because there is no other option. You’ve already hurdled past the biggest obstacle: Making the choice.
Anyone who’s ever quit a job or gone freelance or started a business on the side might tell you that the months and years before beginning can be more difficult that the ones that come later. That’s because suspended animation saps your energy and gives you nothing in return. But now — now! — you made the choice and are moving forward. You have a plan. You can look for answers. You know who you are doing it for.
And that’s how I know you’ll figure it out.
You’re already all in.
“Every podcast begins with no listeners. Every blog begins with no readers...You show up and then the work happens. You don't wait until you get picked. You don't wait until you get a guarantee. You simply begin.
And if you begin with the mindset of: ‘Who can I hustle and how do I get my share?,’ then no one wants to hear from you. But if you begin by saying, ‘There's a door to be opened, a light to be turned on, people to be connected,’ then you are greeted eagerly by a few people. A key part of my message is we don't need the biggest possible audience. We need the smallest viable audience."
I’m all about this advice from Seth Godin, shared on my friend Dorie Clark’s new live interview show for Newsweek called “Better.” Here’s the full interview!!
Have You Had the Christmas Conversation?
Aww! Some laughs and then a poignant turn in this SNL sketch “The Christmas Conversation.” I’m not flying home to California for the holidays — for only the second time in my 12 years of living in New York — but am grateful for the sentiment here that soon we all will be together! IT'S TRUE. Thanks to my bro Eric for sending.
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You can also support my work by checking out my new motivational journal, Do It For Yourself, designed to guide you through your creative and work projects.
Thanks, as always, for reading.
Love, Kara