Well, that was one of the scariest things I’ve done
Oh, hi friends!
On Tuesday, I walked in the room and there were seven people sitting behind a long table. Folded name cards told me who they were. Remember these names, I heard in my head, you will want to Google them later. But I had forgotten how to read. My nerves ate that minor ability. Kind of a problem, because I was five seconds away from reciting songs I had written, which, of course, involved reading.
And yet when the leader of the group told me, “Alright, let’s start with ‘A Man Needs Buttons’”—my uptempo song about a man working in a button factory LOL—somehow, miraculously, I taught myself how to read again.
I said/performed my words and recognized how improbable this little moment was—I had never written a song six months ago. And now, here I was, in front of a group of writers and lyricists and composers who have worked on Broadway and elsewhere, who were reading my songs right along with me.
I laughed. (In my head.)
I recited my second song. And my third one.
And that was it. Out the door in ten minutes. Where did my nerves go?
What a day, I thought. I just taught myself how to read!
They said they would let me know soon if I got into this two-year musical theatre writing workshop. (Double EGOT winner Robert Lopez is one of their alums.)
But I was glad to know acceptance or rejection isn’t about whether I am Good Enough, but whether I am the right fit for them.
Yet the biggest reminder from that experience was that being nervous feels good. Being scared means you care.
I hope many nervous moments find you in the coming days and weeks. I promise you will remember how to read in the moment, too.
PS — And I heard back from them last night. I got in!
Photo by Henrik Dønnestad on Unsplash
“Sometimes even I myself am afraid to submit to my subconscious inspiration, for fear of being ridiculous, but no matter how wild or vulgar an idea seems at its conception, within five years someone is sure to come up with it. My suggestion to anyone who is creative is: never hold back.”
Bill Cunningham, the late street-style photographer for the New York Times, was a wonderful and wise man. Here are some more memorable quotes from his new memoir. (h/t Brea Tremblay)
Don’t ask if your dreams are crazy. Ask if they’re crazy enough.
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Thanks, as always, for reading.
Love, Kara